The waiting game

Josh has been very sweet and expressing his concern that I don't get out very much and how I should find something to do outside the house so I don't A) get depressed and/or B) go bonkers (I'm wondering if he envisions me greeting him at the door with a knife and a deranged look...).

I'm not really sure if it is inertia, fear/nervousness or the weather (or maybe all) that's really stopping me from going out and doing stuff. Part of me is constantly thinking I shouldn't be spending money when I am not earning anything and going out always has the temptation of BUYING something. Even if it is just coffee. Coffee plus bus fare equals at least GBP5.50. Back when I was working I could justify these little extravagances because I'd tell myself I was working hard and/or I had saved money the day before by having a cheap lunch. It's not like we're short of money but I feel I should be more prudent, don't you agree?

And finding outside activities (he's been suggesting dance classes) - whenever I think about it, the question 'what if I find a job and the classes don't fit with my schedule?' always pops up. I guess in my mind I'm always thinking that job should come first and if I do anything other than focus all my energy on getting a job (housekeeping doesn't count as it's a given in this equation) then I'm not helping my situation. And that there isn't a reason for me to be blamed that things are not moving as fast as I hoped it would.

I just need my big break and everything will (should) fall in place. But then sometimes, God doesn't work the way we humans think He should.

Maybe I should consider those dance lessons...