weird (and scary) dream..

last night i had a really freaky dream.

i was in my final year at university and was helping out a theatre studies class. i said goodbye to everyone since it was the end of final year and all i had left as a student were all my exams. as i was leaving the classroom, i was working out in my head what i needed to do for revision. as i went through all the modules i was taking, i realised i could only recall three (i need to do 4 a year, each worth 120 cats). suddenly i remembered i was doing French language. AND that i had not been to a single class the entire year. the first thought that came to my head was, why didnt my tutor call me to find out how come i have not attended any of the classes the entire year? then i freaked out - did i miss the oral component of the exam? if so, i must have lost about 20% of the marks already. i panicked and wondered if i could switch modules - like take that theatre studies module i was helping out in as a replacement for the French one. then i realised that it was too late to change and that registration of modules had closed a long time ago. so i walked to the classroom where the French classes were supposed to be held and picked up the week's lesson handout from the door. it was Lesson 10 and the content for the week was 'how to behave in an embassy' and information about embassy dinner parties - like food names, etiquette. i thought to myself, ok i can manage this... wait a minute, what about the previous lessons? how am i going to get the notes since i dont know anyone else in the class? DO I HAVE TO WRITE A WHOLE ESSAY IN FRENCH?!

then i went to a classroom, sat down and started working out how much i had to score to maintain my 2:1 average that i was riding on from the previous year's results. i started thinking, what if i skip that module exam altogether? then i realised i'd be short of 30 cats and wouldnt be allowed to graduate.

it was at that moment that i woke up. and it took me a really long time to realise i had already graduated. and got my 2:1.

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i was trying to figure out the cause for such a haunting dream. maybe it's the nervousness of starting work tomorrow. and not just any work. my first permanent job. and i guess it still hasnt sunk in. that i've already made it (in terms of the years of hard work to get to and through university). perhaps part of me still cant let of go of university life. but then again, it's the fear of being left behind.

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spent the weekend with family in Bintan for a short relaxing holiday. it was nice to spend time together and to get a bit of relaxation time before work starts. guess the thought of not being able to take leave for 6 months while on probation has begun to get me a bit down. but my mom and i have already hatched some plans to get away over a weekend or two to unwind.

also am a bit intimidated by the prospect of a real job. and also the need to be well-dressed and groomed EVERYDAY at work. but in some ways i'm looking forward to having a reason to dress up everyday. perhaps it was just some anxiety after my meeting with the boss last Friday and his little speech about "image is everything".

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But i've put my trust in Him so far and i will continue to. He got me the job and He will see me through it AND give me favour.

and thinking about that has just made me excited about tomorrow. :)